tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61360430418385543422024-03-19T11:39:05.850+00:00The Mental ChristianAccording to psychiatrists, I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, but I don't allow that label to take over my life. I am a Christian and I happen to have a few mental health problems. Christians and non-Christians alike can suffer with mental health problems. I want to show others that mental health problems do not make you any less of a Christian!Katy Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6136043041838554342.post-55361013942224727062015-10-11T15:17:00.001+01:002015-10-11T15:17:52.498+01:00What a Difference a Label MakesJudging by the many things I’ve seen people writing on blogs and Twitter, the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, carries an extra component of stigma, visible in the actions of many medical professionals (e.g. doctors, nurses, psychiatrists etc). People with BPD/EUPD are often labelled as “manipulative” or “attention seeking” by supposedly-trained “professionals” and are treated badly by people who really should know better. These are my experiences in hospital before and after an EUPD diagnosis was given to me. The stays were three years apart but largely involved the same members of staff and was in the same hospital.<br />
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<b>WARNING</b>: This blog post discusses potentially triggering topics. Hospitalisation under section, forced treatment (and restraint) and self-harm are mentioned, so if you could be triggered by these topics, please read no further.<br />
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During my second psych ward stay, my diagnosis was “a schizophrenic illness.” By my third stay however, my diagnosis was now “paranoid schizophrenia with emotionally unstable personality traits” from now on referred to as EUPT. Some of the differences in the treatment I received was dramatic. Here are a few of these experiences, and also keep in mind that both of these stays were in the SAME hospital and while I was on a section 3.<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Staff forgot to give me my night time medication (keep in mind I was on a section both times)<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: “I’m so sorry, I’ll make sure you get it tonight.”<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis: “Well it’s your responsibility to ask for your meds, it’s not my fault they weren’t given.” Said by the ONLY nurse who could have given me my meds the previous night and was the exact same nurse who had apologised to me three years previously. Also bear in mind that I couldn’t ask for my night meds because I had fallen asleep early and slept through until morning!<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Lying on the floor, crying<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: A nurse knelt down beside me, trying to console me. Persuaded me to go and sit on my bed and once there, stayed with me until I calmed down.<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis: A nurse stood over me, talking down to me in a loud voice. “Get up off the floor and stop being silly. It’s not dignified what you’re doing.” Like I really cared about dignity whilst suffering intensely!<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Male staff member wanting to weigh me<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: I asked for a female member of staff to weigh me. “No problem, I’ll find a female member of staff to weigh you.” Male staff member finds a female nurse, who weighs me and records my weight.<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis: I asked for a female member of staff to weigh me. After a very loud sigh, “Hang on a minute, I’ll see if anyone’s free.” Male staff member finds a female nurse, who weighs me but then she walks to the desk area, where the initial male member of staff is sat, which is within earshot of numerous other patients, including men. She loudly informs the male member of staff what my weight is and he writes it down, telling her (without lowering his voice) that it has gone up since the previous time I was weighed.<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Being caught cutting, but not needing treatment<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: The implement was taken from me and my wounds were cleaned, while a nurse talked about what I’d done in a bid to stop me doing it again.<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis: After a loud sigh, “Go and clean yourself up. I don’t have the time to deal with you.” The implement wasn’t taken away and the nurse didn’t check to see if I had cleaned the wound, or even if I had stopped cutting.<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Not eating<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: A nurse sat with me and talked about why I wasn’t eating. Helped me to start eating small amounts.<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis and also while I wasn’t drinking anything either: A healthcare assistant walks into my room with a drink, saying “I’m not leaving this room until you’ve had a drink.” She sits herself down beside me on my bed holding the drink towards me. I refuse to take it from her. “Come on, drink it” the HCA says. I shake my head, saying nothing. After around 15 - 20 seconds, she gives up and walks out, taking the drink with her.<br />
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<b>Incident</b>: Trying to struggle free whilst being forcibly injected<br />
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Before EUPT diagnosis: There were only three female staff members available. All three were present along with one male member of staff. Whilst having to use additional force to hold me down due to me trying to struggle free, they didn’t use excessive force or face-down restraint. After the injection, a nurse stayed behind to console me and explain why I had been injected.<br />
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After EUPT diagnosis: There were at least five female staff members available, possibly six or more. Only three were present, along with three male members of staff. Two of the men shouted at me to stop fighting. Eventually, one of the men picked me up without explaining to the other staff what he was doing, causing my arms and legs to be still held on the bed while the man had picked me up. I think it goes without saying that that hurt! Once the other staff had let go of me, the man turned me over, shoved me roughly back onto my bed, face-down, with his elbow in my back as the other staff held my arms and legs down again. After the injection, a nurse tells me (as she’s walking out) that I could have had the injection willingly, without “all this fuss.” I’m left alone on my bed, still slightly winded from being shoved face-down onto my bed. I’ve heard that face-down restraint is banned in Wales (which is where I was) but am not 100% sure of this.<br />
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So why the difference in the way I was treated? Given that the incidents largely involved the same members of staff and was in the same place, you couldn’t say that it was different hospitals, meaning different guidelines. The staff all remembered me from my previous hospital stay three years prior, and all involved either nurses or healthcare assistants, meaning they were (supposedly) fully qualified and not students. The only factor that really changed was the addition of the EUPT label. I don’t think I’m alone in experiencing different treatment due to a BPD/EUPD diagnosis and I know so many people who say that psychiatrists are really quick to add a BPD/EUPD label to people who have another mental health diagnosis, are female and self-harm. I’ve never been told why I have my EUPT label, despite a letter written by my previous psychiatrist two years ago, stating that these traits would be “assessed and explored” or words to that effect. In two years, the only time my EUPT label is mentioned is in official letters sent to places like the DWP and DVLA. To have a diagnosis that has such an impact on my treatment to not be explained to me is doubly wrong in my opinion. All diagnoses should be explained and no diagnosis should have an impact like this on a person’s treatment. BPD/EUPD does NOT mean a person is a mad, bad, manipulative attention seeker. BPD/EUPD is an illness that needs care, support and treatment like any other mental health diagnosis. Or even any other physical health diagnosis for that matter. Care, support and suitable treatment is what a person with any illness needs. A BPD/EUPD illness is no different.Katy Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6136043041838554342.post-44001005002382293652015-03-15T12:51:00.000+00:002015-03-15T12:54:47.341+00:00A New YouTube VideoYesterday, I uploaded a new video to YouTube. Called "What is Schizophrenia? Lesser Known Facts" it kind of goes against everything I said when shutting down my old blog and restarting this one. Yes, I know I've tried to walk away from my diagnosis and focus on my future but I keep on coming back to it.<br /> <a name='more'></a>
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In my previous blog post I wrote about how I'd been asked to feature in a short film about schizophrenia, which is probably what led me to thinking about my diagnosis and ultimately, creating this new YouTube video. While I'm on the point of that film, I've been told that the filming has been pushed back until "the end of summer." I know nothing more than that but if I hear anything new about it, I'll try and let those who are interested in the film know.<br />
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Anyway, back to the new video, I wouldn't recommend that anyone who is still battling schizophrenia watch it. The video is rather negative until about 3 minutes and 9 seconds in. This video is more for people who just want to know a bit about schizophrenia, rather than those who are battling it or have a loved one with the diagnosis. There are also possible triggers in the video, as it almost immediately discusses suicide. So if this is a triggering topic for you, don't watch the video.<br />
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With all that said, if you *do* want to watch the video, you can find it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4eXWIpqrhE">here</a>. If you want to know my sources for any of the statements, send me an email (address is at the top of the page) but I can't guarantee that the sources I used will still be active even now. And if I do send you an active link, you visit the website at your own risk! I am not responsible for any websites that contain viruses or upsetting content. Just getting that out there.<br />
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As usual, if you have any questions or want advice, send me an email, but please don't email me asking me to promote or review anything. I only promote/review things that I've read, heard or watched, in case something contains upsetting content or content that I don't agree with. I find it difficult watching/reading something on request, rather than watching/reading something that I've found myself and want to view. On my old blog, requests for promotions and reviews got a bit excessive and in the end, I put out a warning and deleted all of those emails without response. And I find myself still doing that on this blog, even though there are nowhere near as many requests. So be warned, if you email me asking me to promote or review, you could find your email gets deleted straight away without response. I'm not trying to be nasty, I just find it stressful being asked to view potentially triggering content. I need to keep myself well.<br />
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But questions or advice, feel free to email. I will do my best to respond as quickly as I can. These sorts of emails are why I make some of my email addresses public. I can't guarantee I'll have the right answer or guidance, but I'll do my best.<br />
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Take care and God bless,<br />
KatyKaty Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6136043041838554342.post-61642446723264392732014-12-01T00:54:00.001+00:002014-12-01T00:55:46.782+00:0012 Things Most Students in Accommodation will UnderstandAs this is a Christian blog, I haven’t included any alcohol or drug related things. I imagine there would be 12 more things to write about if I had included them! So if you were a student in accommodation, how many of these things can you identify with?<br /> <a name='more'></a>
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<b>Your weight changes</b><br />
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AKA Freshman Fifteen. When most students who are living away from home arrive on campus, it’s the first time they’ve lived on their own. So going food shopping without Mum and/or Dad in tow means buying whatever you want. For a lot of people, this means gaining weight, sometimes a lot. However, some people end up losing a lot of weight, as a result of not enough money for decent meals, laziness or an inability to cook.<br />
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<b>Your accent changes</b><br />
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You leave for university with a Brummie accent. By Christmas, you have an accent that’s a mix of Scottish, scouse and slightly southern.<br />
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<b>Your body clock changes</b><br />
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You can crawl out of bed to make a 9 am lecture, but on your days off, you end up sleeping from 9 am to 5 pm. You never have to worry about putting up with daytime TV, because you sleep through it!<br />
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<b>Naps</b><br />
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You’ve no idea why you hated naps as a child. Right now, they’re the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, you might just go for one now.<br />
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<b>Going home to decent food/shower/washing machine</b><br />
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Home means a clean washing machine! A warm shower that has a bit of power! And roast dinners that are cooked for you! What could be better?!<br />
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<b>Dreading certain nights because of your flatmates</b><br />
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You have a 9 am lecture on a Friday but Thursday night is half price drinks at the student club. You want a good night’s sleep but your drunken flatmate(s) always stumbles noisily into the flat at stupid o’clock and keeps everyone else awake for hours. Righteous anger is permitted here.<br />
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<b>The flatmate(s) that never does the dishes</b><br />
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Normally they show themselves pretty quickly. You always know which is their crockery and cutlery, because it’s got hardened pasta and mouldy cheese sauce stuck to it. They always use your kitchenware and never clean it, despite many requests, leaving you to have to clean it. I ended up locking certain things in my room.<br />
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<b>Vanishing food</b><br />
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A lot of food in student flats has an uncanny ability to disappear, even if labelled something along the lines of, “Katy’s food, please don’t touch!” I had a flatmate who always nicked my teabags, so one day when I was fed up of it, I switched my teabags to camomile. The flatmate made her tea as usual (boiling water, milk, sugar), then took a sip. I had the delight of seeing her repulsed face as she drank it. She never pinched them again.<br />
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<b>Ownerless food</b><br />
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There’s also always food in the fridge that doesn’t seem to belong to anyone. There’s no label on it, everyone’s been asked and all claimed it’s not theirs. But no one wants to chuck it out as, having a look at it, it appears to have belonged to someone three years ago and everyone’s too squeamish to touch it.<br />
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<b>That one flat…</b><br />
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There’s always one flat that has half a million empty alcohol bottles on display. There’s another flat that has a flag of a different country in the window (at my university, there was a Welsh flag hanging out of someone’s window, the university was in England. And no, it wasn’t me!) And there’s always that one flat that seems to have noisy parties every night, leaving you to wonder how they’re still at university.<br />
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<b>The idiotic flat downstairs that constantly sets fire alarm off</b><br />
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Another ‘one flat’. You’ve just made your dinner and have settled down with a DVD on when the fire alarm goes off. Usually it’s due to the flat next door or directly underneath you. You have to traipse outside into the drizzly cold while the firefighters bravely battle against burnt toast or (a real incident in my uni days) some idiot has had the oven on really hot, then put the oven glove over the oven door AND SHUT IT WITH HALF THE OVEN GLOVE INSIDE!<br />
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<b>Cleaning</b><br />
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It’s the final day in the flat before handing back the keys and you want your deposit returned. Your contract states your room must be as it was when you arrived. So the rubber gloves come out, polish is bought and the vacuum is on. You give your room a really good clean and suddenly realise it’s the first time you’ve cleaned it since you arrived. Whoops.Katy Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6136043041838554342.post-10620771813326295692014-11-18T13:33:00.002+00:002014-11-18T13:36:18.472+00:0016 Things Most Siblings will UnderstandThey say there is no better friend than a sister. And I'm sure many people feel the same way about brothers too. I have one sibling, my sister, who is a little bit older than me. Over the years we've had laughs, we've had tears, we've jumped on the sofa singing Christmas carols at the top of our lungs and we've pinched biscuits from the cupboard and shared the spoils. These 16 things are stuff I've noticed looking back, and if you have a sibling, I wonder how many of these you can identify with!<br /> <a name='more'></a>
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<b>They tease you mercilessly, but won't allow anyone else to do the same</b><br />
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My sister has locked me inside a wardrobe, duct-taped me inside a cardboard box and invited me to play 52-card pickup. I've hidden under her duvet and in other places to jump out and scare her, read her diary and the day she got her braces, I called her Metal Gear Solid (which I got in a LOT of trouble for). But woe betide anyone else who tries to insult one of us. We really do have each other's back and we'd fight to the death to defend the other!<br />
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<b>They get you IN trouble</b><br />
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My sister and I have gotten each other into trouble many times over the years. Sometimes we've even found pleasure in doing so!<br />
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<b>They get you OUT of trouble</b><br />
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When our dog peed on the brand new sofa, my sister received a frantic phone call from me begging for help. She helped me hide the stain and it wasn't discovered for months.<br />
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<b>You'd do anything for your sibling</b><br />
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Getting rid of spiders at midnight, allowing the other to spend all the credit on their phone, burying a body, I know my sister and I would do anything for each other. <b>Legal disclaimer</b>: neither of us have *actually* buried a body.<br />
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<b>Being asked if you're twins, even if you look nothing alike</b><br />
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I'm 5 ft 7 whereas my sister is 5 ft 4. She has light brown hair, I am blonde. Our facial features are very different. Yet, we've been asked many times if we're twins. We really can't see the resemblance at all. Even worse, I know of brother-sister siblings who have been mistaken for a married/dating couple. Awkward.<br />
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<b>Older siblings always get into trouble whereas the younger ones get away with murder</b><br />
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This always happened in our house. If my sister did anything wrong, she was in trouble with a capital T. But when I did something wrong, I would burst into tears and get away with it.<br />
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<b>Younger siblings copy <i>everything</i> the older siblings do</b><br />
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They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but I'm sure my sister got a bit fed up with me copying her all the time. I wanted to learn to play the flute after she started lessons, when she learned how to windsurf, I insisted on having lessons too, and I even followed her to the same university, 70 miles from home!<br />
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<b>The nicknames you have for each other</b><br />
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My sister often calls me Kit or Kitty, but also came up with the nickname Katriniana Bandayaga Ding Dong for me. (And no, I didn't fall asleep on the keyboard there.)<br />
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<b>Getting called your sibling's name</b><br />
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For most of my school life, I was either called by my sister's name, or called [name]'s sister. Our parents constantly called my sister Katy, and me by my sister's name. It still happens, even though they've had 26 years to get it right!<br />
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<b>The love/hate/love/hate relationship</b><br />
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One minute you love them, the next minute, you're looking to see how much you could get for them on eBay. You have more love/hate twists in one day than Ross and Rachel had in ten years but love always wins the battle.<br />
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<b>The silent telepathic communication</b><br />
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My sister and I have this uncanny ability to know what the other is thinking. We don't have to plan to wind our parents up, we just know to join in and try and convince our poor 'rents of something strange or startling. On the downside, it's difficult to try and trick the other, as we tend to know when the other is making stuff up!<br />
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<b>When one sibling is in trouble, the other(s) behave in a sickly-sweet manner to make the offender look even worse</b><br />
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Whenever my sister did something wrong, I would be on my best behaviour to try and make her look even worse and vice-versa. Apparently my mum found it even more annoying than the bad behaviour!<br />
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<b>You ask to borrow stuff AFTER borrowing it</b><br />
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Can I borrow your jacket?<br />
Do you have to?<br />
Pleeeeease?<br />
Fine, OK.<br />
Good, because I'm wearing it. Sound familiar?<br />
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<b>They give it to you straight, no sugarcoating things</b><br />
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My sister likes going clothes shopping with me because she knows that if she tries on something that doesn't suit her, I'll tell it to her in plain English. I'm very blunt, but would you rather I told her an unflattering outfit looked good, meaning she'd walk around looking terrible? I didn't think so!<br />
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<b>Going to your sibling before talking to your parents</b><br />
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More so when we were older, we would tell each other about something big we were planning or something daft we'd done, before/without telling our parents. I found talking to her so handy as it would help me test the water to see just how bad she would react to what I'd done!<br />
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<b>But above all, they mean everything to you and you'd never trade them for anything</b><br />
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Even though we may have tried to sell or get rid of the other over the years, no amount of money in the world could ever tempt us into giving the other up. We may have fought a lot in our teens and teased each other mercilessly, but there's no way I would ever be without her. Siblings are friends for life and nothing could ever replace her.<br />
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So how many of these things did you identify with? Or are there any other things that most siblings will understand that I've missed? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter!Katy Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6136043041838554342.post-15797200064454419312013-08-22T18:10:00.001+01:002014-11-16T00:30:37.471+00:00The Importance of ForgivenessI know I said that I wasn't planning on using this blog to write about mental health matters, but after recent events, I have something mental health and Christian-related on my mind that I want to write about.<br /> <a name='more'></a>
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Two days ago, I was contacted by BBC Radio 5 Live. They asked me if I would agree to them interviewing me on air about my experiences with bullying and how it has affected me in adult life. I agreed, despite a lot of nerves, and spoke as honestly as I could about my experiences. The full interview is <a href="http://schizophreniasucks.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/another-interview-on-bbc-radio-5-live.html">here</a> but the thing that I want to write about here is one thing I said on air about how I had forgiven my bullies. The host, Chris Warburton, seemed amazed that I could forgive my bullies, seeing how they had a massive impact on my life. But I know that holding onto a grudge doesn't do anyone any good, so I no longer allow myself to feel resentment towards them.<br />
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Now don't get me wrong. I am not writing this because I think I am the ultimate perfect person, and a role model that everyone should look up to. Far from it. I am not perfect, never have been and being a role model is something that I frankly, dread being. I am writing this because I want to describe the impact this has had on me since I made the decision to forgive my bullies.<br />
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The Bible says that we are to forgive others for their sins as God will not forgive us for our sins if we don't.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">14</span> <i>For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.</i> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">15</span> <i>But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.</i> Matthew 6:14 - 15 (NIV)</blockquote>
I think if non-Christians were to read this, they could feel a bit of anger towards God for saying this. "Why should we have to forgive our enemies just to get forgiveness?" or something along those lines. I can understand this attitude, as I have often felt a lot of self-pity towards my circumstances. I used to think that it was OK for me to not forgive my 'enemies' because of all they did to me. Christians will know of all they have done towards God and others, and will know why they need to forgive others, but non-Christians may not know this. So what if I told you that I believe that God, in his infinite wisdom, told us to do this for our own benefit?<br />
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I used to be on Facebook, and one of my bullies actually added me as a friend. For some reason, I accepted her friend request, and then almost immediately wished I hadn't. Her Facebook page was filled with wonderful stories of great holidays, a great job and great friends, whilst I was unemployed, had little social interaction with others and as a result of my inability to cope with change well, rarely went on holiday. It was easy to start seething at her wonderful life, a life I could have had, if she hadn't bullied me. She 'only' bullied me for around six months, but it was enough to lower my mood to the point that when other girls started bullying me more seriously in my fourth year of high school, I couldn't deal with it. Even after my conversion, I still looked at her Facebook posts with jealousy and resentment.<br />
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The turning point came around the time I was baptised. I mentioned something about my second hospital stay on Facebook, and while I didn't say it was in a psychiatric ward, I did mention the length of the stay, which was almost 18 months. Shortly after posting this status, I had a private message from her. I can't remember her exact words, but it was something along the lines of "Sorry to hear you've been in hospital, hope you're doing well." To be honest, I was so surprised by this message that I had to show it to my mum. She turned to me, nodded, and told me "What have I told you about the bullies?!"<br />
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For years after high school, I had told my mum of things the bullies had said and done to me, and she kept on telling me the same thing over and over again. She told me how bullies change, how they have grown up and matured since school, and how they would be highly unlikely to pick on me if they ever saw me again. My old bully sending me this lovely message on Facebook just showed how right my mum was, and how wrong my attitude towards my bullies was.<br />
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Whilst I did pray and ask God to help me to forgive my bullies, forgiving them still had to come from me. I wrote an unsent letter to them and told them that I forgave them, and in my heart, I meant what I had written. I no longer have that letter, but the feelings in my heart are still the same. I also had to apply the same forgiveness to the teacher who knew I was being bullied but did nothing. However, I didn't 'forgive and forget'.<br />
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I don't know the origin of the phrase 'forgive and forget', but I believe it's not biblical. I actually really hate that phrase, because while I believe in forgiveness, I don't believe in forgetting the sins a person has committed towards us. Granted, the Bible does this:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. </i>Jeremiah 31:34, and quoted in Hebrews 8:12 (NIV)</blockquote>
But I have always read this verse as God treats us like we have not sinned. But how could an omniscient God forget anything, our sins included? Whilst the opposite of 'remember' is usually seen as 'forget', the word remember does not necessarily mean 'not forgetting'. The definitions of remember vary depending on the context, but the most appropriate meaning of the word for this topic is as follows:<br />
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<i>To be able to bring back a piece of information into your mind, or to keep a piece of information in your memory</i>. Taken from <a href="http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/remember?q=remember">Cambridge Dictionaries Online</a></blockquote>
You could argue that this does mean the opposite of forgetting, but does it really? <i><u>To be able</u> to bring back a piece of information</i>. After forgiveness, God is unable to bring back our sins out of love. God does not remember our sins. He treats us like we haven't sinned when we are forgiven, just like I believe we should treat those who have wronged us like they have done nothing wrong. But I do not believe that he forgets our sins, as I don't believe it is possible for him to do so.<br />
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Anyway though, it is certainly not possible for us to selectively forget what others have done to us when we forgive others and I don't believe we should try and forget at all. Looking back at events in the past can help us to learn from our own mistakes and find new ways of coping with things. I don't believe we should dwell on things either, but often looking back, I can see how much freer I am since forgiving my bullies. I no longer have the resentment towards them. I may be a little wary towards them if I met them in the future, but I would not hate or resent them. If they were to still hate me though, that is their decision. I will not force other people to believe what I believe. God gave me free will to do right and wrong, so I cannot take that away from others. But regardless of how they feel towards me, I will not un-forgive them. The Bible aside, forgiving them was a wise decision and has positively impacted on my mental health.<br />
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Occasionally when I was out in public, I would see people from school and I would have a certain reaction to the 'sighting', depending if they were a friend, enemy or neither. The 'enemies' were met with anger, resentment and often plots of ways to get even. These feelings inside would stay with me for hours, even days at a time, and it would negatively impact my mood. I would be grumpy, angry and often upset. Sometimes, these feelings would even cause me to have a small setback in my recovery.<br />
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When I made the decision to forgive, I no longer became upset when I saw the 'enemies' from school. I would remember things they did to me, but I didn't feel the anger and resentment, nor did I feel angry and upset in myself. I am not alone in feeling better about the past since forgiving those who have wronged us. BBC News ran a piece a couple of days ago about people who have forgiven the person or persons who murdered their loved ones. The full story is <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23716713">here</a>, and I recommend reading this, but the last paragraph is particularly interesting:<br />
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<i>"If you hang on to anger and the desire for revenge, eventually it becomes like a cancer and it will destroy you," he says. "I did the right thing."</i> Bill Pelke speaking to the BBC.</blockquote>
Regardless of whether or not a person forgives because of duty to God, or if they do it for their own sake, forgiveness is important. It can take a long time to forgive a person who has committed a particularly heinous sin towards you, but holding on to anger and hatred will never help anyone. It is not easy to forgive, but releasing the anger and hatred through forgiveness is like a wave of goodness. It was only after I forgave my bullies that I saw how much my hatred impacted negatively on my mental health.<br />
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To forgive someone, you don't have to actually tell them. It might be useful, but I have not told my bullies that I have forgiven them. My key to forgiving them was an unsent letter, which other people find useful. To forgive, you do not have to verbally express forgiveness. Nor does it mean that if the person who wronged you is still alive, that you have to have contact with them. If the person who has wronged you is unrepentant, it could actually be wise to stay away. But if they are truly repentant, forgive them. In some cases, it can be unwise to let the person straight back into your life as if nothing happened though.<br />
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If, for example, an abusive partner apologised and wanted another chance, it can be wise to not rush back into the relationship. No matter what he or she says, see how they are around you over a period of time. Some abusive partners apologise, are taken back but then abuse their partner again. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but just be wary if this applies to you.<br />
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Forgiveness is important, regardless of your beliefs. It is often a key to happiness, and sometimes, it can even be the key to recovery from mental illness.Katy Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13384403447580393959noreply@blogger.com5